There just comes a time. It's not like you need much. Just a wee script, or two. You're a little shy because frankly, these people know more than you and they speak in a language you can barely comprehend. You need a programmer and you have no fricking idea what you're looking for or where to start.
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"Programmers aren't all snide misanthropes who live to make you feel inferior. Some of them are quite sweet and helpful. Sure, they occasionally lapse into geek mode and start speaking in tongues but if you're at the point where you know you need to hire one, then you're probably at a skill level, where you recognize enough of the syntax to understand if you're getting hosed." |
What's that? You don't need no stinkin' programmers? Well, good for you. Aren't you awesome with your computer and your software and the other 90% of the tools and technologies you use to make your dirty, porn money? If it weren't for programmers you would be shit out of luck. Own it because the programmers pw0n U.
It's going to be okay. Programmers aren't all snide misanthropes who live to make you feel inferior. Some of them are quite sweet and helpful. Sure, they occasionally lapse into geek mode and start speaking in tongues but if you're at the point where you know you need to hire one, then you're probably at a skill level, where you recognize enough of the syntax to understand if you're getting hosed. The point is, you're a paying customer and there are plenty of programmers that will treat you with the professionalism and respect you deserve.
Another cool thing about programmers is they often have pre-built scripts lying around that are adaptable to your needs. You don't always have to pay for something built from scratch. You may just need a programmer that can configure an existing application to your personal standards. You need a Flash-based media console for your website and you want to brand it with your logo and site name. You need a traffic script. You need any number of scripts and server-side apps that are just a few clicks away...
Where do you go? Where are the programmers? Why, they're just a few steps away. You can even find some on this site.
Cozy Frog's Custom Programming listings. This page is one of the Frog's best kept secrets. Within that list are the names of people who are perfectly happy to work with a filthy sex webmaster. From custom coding to pre-built, somewhere you'll locate the exact right site for the job. If not...
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Elance is one of three sites specializing in matching employers with contract laborers. It is a targeted job board with ratings for both seekers and hunters. As you can see when you visit Elance, potential hires have profiles, ratings on skills tests and employment histories. Just join the service, hit the Web & Programming category and post your job opening.
Another fine database of possible candidates, where you can search, research and even allow those candidates to bid for your precious porn money. This is as good a time as any to make sure you understand that Elance, Guru and the soon-to-be-mentioned ODesk, are mainstream employment sites. Just because you're hiring them to do the same non-sexy work they would do for anyone else, doesn't mean you should hide the truth of your business from them. They'll figure that out anyway. Just be careful. Make sure to state the obvious in your job description: "Adult Website Needs PHP Script" or something similar.
ODesk seems to be the friendliest of the three. That's probably because the contractors (Providers) post their personal photos in their profiles. Nice touch. Adds a certain amount of trust and familiarity. Once again, you can search by skill, salary, rating and recent activity.
Ultimately it comes down to this, you've hit the wall of your abilities and energy. Sure, you could spend the next month, learning PHP code, and write the darned script yourself because you are just that clever. But why the hell should you when there are perfectly able programmers out there, eagerly waiting for you to stuff a little money into their hobbit holes? All you have to do is be able to explain your task, tell them that your site is a nasty bad smut site and pay them as agreed. Read the ratings of former employers. Go for the ones that have actually finished jobs. Try to get the best rate you can but remember that you get what you pay for. So, put on your big pants, get out there and find that programmer!