What do you get the geek that already has all the porn they need?
If you're holiday shopping for an adult webmaster, you probably realize that most of us see dirty pictures for free, any damned time we want. Porn, porn, porn. Whoopie fucking doo. For most of us, a present of porn is about as thrilling as new blender is to a housewife on Valentine's day.
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"For most of us [Adult Webmasters], a present of porn is about as thrilling as new blender is to a housewife on Valentine's day." |
Instead of trying to please our perverted side, why not appeal to our geeky side? We sit at our monitors for hours on end, not only because that's our job, but also because we love computers and the Internet. I may be wrong but I think the majority of us are geeks first and pornographers second.
With that in mind, we at CozyFrog would like to give you some suggestions on gifts that will surely warm the hearts of any adult webmaster:
You read me right. Shop around the site Wood Contour and you'll discover they sell real computer peripherals made out of real wood. Cherry, oak, you name it, they carve it. Buy a PS2 or wireless mouse, a keyboard or throw in the LCD monitor for a whole set. Your geek might possess the best CPU in the land, but does the desktop match the furniture? In addition to wood peripherals, the site also sells stone (Corian) computer components. As well, if you have a geek that's into animal hide, they sell leather mouses. Speaking of leather...
Is your adult webmaster tired of replacing mousepads? Sure, you could get a wireless pointer, but why not go the extra mile and get an accessory that's not only beautiful but also sturdy? Savannah Leather Goods sells lovely split leather pads with pigskin backing.
What if your geek is on the green side of the ecology wars? Maybe your favorite nerd would rather save the planet than kill a tree or cow. This item might be just the thing. We've seen lots of solar chargers that work on cell phones, MP3 players and PDAs, but this unit from Sierra Solar is the first one we've found that will actually charge a laptop.
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Let's face it. The gifts we've mentioned so far are kind of pricey. No worries! Here's a store that specializes in all geek, all the time, for minimal cheddar! Think Geek is a computer lover's wet dream. T-Shirts, desktop toys, handy tools and kits for the geek that likes to get inside the computer. Surely, you'll find something nerdly suitable here for as little as ten dollars.
As we wrote in the opening, a gift of porn isn't so much of a gift to the adult webmaster. We look at women getting spooged and fisted and gang-banged and sometimes, all we want to see is a pretty woman, looking happy to be sexy. Since the eighties, artist Olivia De Berardinis has lovingly painted in homage to the classic Pinup model. Your hard-working geek needs a little camp and beauty and Olivia's posters are just the ticket.
When Olivia bows to the god of Pinups, she is worshipping the progenitor of the form: Alberto Vargas. Known as Varga Girls, Alberto's models graced the pages of Playboy and helped quell the loneliness of thousands of soldiers during WWII. You can order limited prints from Vargas' Official Site.
Stupid.com is a virtual wonderland of goofy doodads and silly knick-knacks. If you're a little short on cash and your special dork is a bit of a kid; this site is like heaven. Pooping Reindeer candy? Check. Sigmund Freud action figure? Check. BUTT/FACE soaps and towels? Double check! If you want to spend mega-bucks for useless crap, go to Sharper Image. Stupid.com has no illusions of grandeur. They sell junk cheap!
We hope we've provided gift ideas that will suit the geek in your life. Of course, there's always the old stand-byes like a bottle of bourbon or vodka. You can go with the impersonal gift card. Hell, you can even shell out a million dollars for one of those trendy Ipods. However, if you'd like your gift to be something memorable, you can't get any more memorable than a wind-up nun or a keyboard that looks like it's been carved by cavemen!
Happy Holidays!