What was that? Did I just see a flash of bright orange flutter past my eye? Could it be? Do my eyes deceive me? No, they do not. I look at the trees in my neighborhood and indeed, the leaves are turning from green to red, yellow and all shades in between. Fall is upon us and you know what that means. It's porn season.

"Granted, people buy porn online year round. However, the colder months are when adult webmasters see a marked uptake in sales."

I confess an unadulterated bias to Autumn. I am an October baby. Spring is lovely but it does not excite me. Summer is too sunny and too damned hot. Winter is amenable but only because it follows my favorite season. There is no time of the year more wonderful to me. From the first chill in the breeze to that glorious whiff of fireplaces in the air, I am giddy and awake and ready to go to work. Lucky for me, because the Fall season is when the Internet porn business heats up.

Granted, people buy porn online year round. However, the colder months are when adult webmasters see a marked uptake in sales. There are several reasons why. One is that people tend to spend more time outside in the summer. The sunshine and warmth is too tempting even for the geekiest of hermits. People get exercise in summer and spring. They take walks, ride bikes, play sports and go the the beach. Exercise releases those happy endorphins that help alleviate sedentary problems like obsessing on sex or the lack of it. Even better, people wear less clothes in the spring and summer. It's easier to get a skin fix when all the proud hotties and hunks are parading around in bikinis or going shirtless.

Another reason for porn sales increasing in the fall has to do with the return to college. Millions of horny young men and women move into their dorms, hook up their free internet and log on to surf smut sites. It's more than a fad, it's a right of passage. Nothing says "I'm a grownup!" quite like a subscription to a bukkake paysite.

It's true that adult-aged college students have plenty of tail running free across campus but even real life nookie cannot curtail the hormonal rage of a freshly-turned-eighteen citizen, packing a brand new credit card. Besides, some college student actually study and don't ht the bars every night. They too, need momentary diversion from course work and professors giving agonizingly monotone lectures. Nothing cures the late night studying blues better than an hour's break downloading gang-bang videos.

A third reason is sweet, sexless, Mom and Dad. What? Do you really believe you were found in a cabbage patch? So not true, my child. You are here because your Mommy and Daddy fucked. And hopefully they will fuck like bunnies after you move out. They'll buy sex toys, try new positions and download a lot of porn. They might even practice the Kama Sutra in your bed! As well, some mommies and daddies get tired of each other. Mother is always cleaning house after she gets home from work so Father hits the Google and types "Redheaded Busty Babes" into the magic search box. Or that lovely woman that gave birth to you looks over at that beer-swilling, pot-bellied thing that used to be her lover and shudders. She races to the PC and finds her favorite Gay porn site where the men are always handsome and never ask you to make a sandwich.

This filthy stuff happens when the leaves fall and school begins. Sorry to shatter that image of your parents patiently waiting on the couch, sipping tea and hoping you'll call soon.

Yes, Autumn is the time to come back inside. The hour has come to trade your tanks tops for flannel pajamas and work on your sites. You must work like you never worked before. Update old pages. Build new pages. Implement that awesome marketing scheme you've been planning all summer. Try out a couple of fresh sponsors. Toil, upload, download and in general, get back to making money.

Slack time is over. Fall is upon us. Don't let the summer laziness keep you from your goal!