** This Event Took Place On: January 05 - 07, 2006!

For this Mowse, Vegas was short, sweet and psychotic.

Naturally, I stayed up way too late, packing for my third time at INTERNEXT, Las Vegas Nevada. Regardless, the plane ride to Sin City was just fine. My airport is small so boarding and security screenings went quick. My flight was direct and since it lasted little less than two hours, all was good. I had a cocktail, read a magazine and chatted a bit with my two seatmates. Both were guys and both were headed for the Computer Electronics Show - CES.

I bustled through the insanely busy Las Vegas airport and stepped out to behold the taxi line - blocked off in five rows by ropes, completely full and as long as half a city block. Amazingly, I was able to catch a cab in almost 25 minutes. The taxi driver said the city was especially nuts because of all the conventions. I said "yeah". He wheeled me right up to the lobby doors and I was officially in convention mode.

I normally stay at Treasure Island. I wasn't able to do that this time. That's how deranged it was to hold this adult webmaster convention not only concurrent to the Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE) but also parallel to CES. In spite of the crowds, I managed to check in, get to my room, semi-unpack and take a nap. I got up, refreshed and dressed for dinner. I ate a decent meal at Imperial Palace's Emperor Buffet. I surfed the net for a bit on the wireless kiosk at the Cyber Cafe. I found an in-house liquor store and bought a split of champagne for my room. I prepared my goodies for the morning and the big day. I sipped bubbly and when I was all prepped, I ordered a morning pot of coffee from room service and hit the sheets.

I woke up the next day and got off to a pleasant start, but the madness returned when I asked a hotel employee the quickest way to get to the Sands Expo Center. She told me to take the Monorail. I did. I got off and took the return Monorail after I figured out that the stop for the Sands Expo Center is exactly where I got on, at the Imperial Palace. I cursed my way back towards the hotel. I noticed this fellow with a broom and a bucket. From my ride on the Monorail, I could clearly see the Sands Expo. It was close but there were all these goofy walls and parking garages between it and Imperial Palace. I needed a sure way or else, I would have to take the long hellish road through the whole Venetian Hotel. I stopped the guy with the broom. Sure enough, he told me a shortcut. It was still a bit of a stroll but it was far less a distance than the dreaded path.

I never took the time to think about where CES was going to take place. It was happening simultaneously as INTERNEXT, but that was nothing new. The past two Vegas conferences, I never saw conventioneers from CES. This time AEE, INTERNEXT and CES were all together in one, enormous clusterfuck at the Sands Expo Center. Finding my way was like navigating that maze in 'The Shining'; my feet terrorizing me just like Jack Nicholson. I kept asking for directions to INTERNEXT. Employees kept replying:

"The Adult Show? Upstairs!"

The Adult Show was upstairs but it was not INTERNEXT. It was AEE. I did what I was told and got in line to buy my pass. I had a nice conversation with two fellow webmasters while I waited to pay. I registered and entered the show floor. As I walked around, I thought it strange that I did not recognize a single vendor. Where were the hosting providers? Where were the sponsors? Why is it that all I can see are booths full of dildos, slutty lingerie and more dildos? Wait a minute. I count two, three, six DVD sellers...

I am at the wrong damned show.

I exited AEE and hit he registration area. I told them I registered for the wrong damned show. I explained I was willing to return my AEE badge and pay the addition monies to upgrade to a real INTERNEXT pass. I said I did not want to attend AEE. I work for the Internet. I bought an AEE pass because I was told by ten different Sands Expo representatives that I was supposed to.

A nice blonde woman that worked for INTERNEXT took me to see Shelly Hakala-Herman of QUESTEX Media and she got my AEE pass voided. Since I had already paid for the additional INTERNEXT pass, I was able to head on over to the official show at the other end of this massive complex. On the trip there, I saw a person carrying a couple of poster-size signs, with stick handles. Printed on the two signs was the familiar logo I had seen for the very first time that day: INTERNEXT.

Walking in and seeing names like NATS, ASACP and IwantU soothed my frazzled nerves. My feet hurt like a bitch but there was plenty of breathing room at this show. Sad to say, on that first day, the crowd was thin. I arrived at the height of the activities and stayed until the close.

I met David from AnyWebCam and Chipmunk from Moniker. I ran into friends Redshoe, Boneprone, Ellie from Cams.com, LAJ and Ynot Bob, the lovely Aly and the great people at Klixxx and Adult Chamber. I gave love to folks from PlatinumBucks, PussyCash, Eroticy and FTVCash. I talked legal issues with Eric Bernstein. I told some of the thirty thousand cellphone/SMS porn reps all about upcoming FLASH/cellphone technology and how CozyFlash has the best toons and deals in all adult. I spread more love and took pics of pretty models. I noticed at least three mini-seminars on the show floor. I even got to take a picture of Baddog. I waved farewell with the belief that I would eat a relaxing meal, bed early and check out at 8:00 AM, with plenty of time for my 10:30 AM flight home.

After an exquisite meal of Sea bass with Ginger Soy sauce from Ming's, I ran into Baddog. He twisted my arm and dropped me off at a small party in one of the Imperial Palace suites. RevSandman was the host and I had a delightful time in spite of my hermitic nature. I met the likes of Fueled by Vodka, Frank from Twelvefifteen, cuddly Brad from P2P ADS and some poor sweety that got kicked in the nuts. Long story. You had to be there.

I'd like to say that the pilgrimage home was rosy but that would be a lie. It was a drag but frankly, I was too tired to care. I had a whirlwind of a time in Vegas. It was breakneck, enervating and oddly fun. I'd rather have more time next time. I'd rather INTERNEXT was free from AEE and CES. I love Vegas. I love adult webmasters. I hope next year, I can do it better.