Hey you. Yeah, you. The one sitting there, not posting, just lurking. Why are you doing that? Are we ugly? Do we smell bad? Do you think we're mean?

I can dig it. I was totally there. I felt the same fear as you. Those snarky old bastards. Bunch of rude assholes who had no patience for me whatsoever. All of them, except not all of them. Not even close.

"Your first post is probably never going to be that star-making moment for the ages. Odds are your first post will be ignored. Probably your second and third posts as well. After a point, someone will notice you and acknowledge your existence. After that, you'll get the hang of things."

If you're new to the Internet, well, good for you. Fact is, most of you aren't new to the Internet. You're not new to the fact that there are rude assholes all over the Internet. Adult webmasters are a tough crowd but for heaven's sake. We're all just voiceless words on a computer monitor. It's not like we can reach through your monitor and snatch you up.

Okay, I understand. You've maybe read terrible tales of porn hackers or spam bots. You possibly think that you're going to catch some nasty virus just being around us. We're so cruel, so soulless we will attack your site server, steal all your passwords and empty your bank account.

Oh, I know! You're a super-secret spy and you've got a job to do. You're pretending to be a porn webmaster because, that's your cover! In real life you're terminating assassins and saving the world from the forces of evil. Well, now. Aren't you something?

Look. Adult webmasters are human people just like you. We're not some alien race. We're ex carpenters, lawyers, stock traders, hairdressers and PH.D.'s. We're from all countries and all walks of life. Some of us are very nice and some of us are downright ogres. There are those who are terribly organized and methodical. There are slackers and braggarts. There are the wise, quiet ones who don't post as much as the others. You'll encounter sarcastic remarks and exasperated groans no matter how long you've been in this business, no matter how big you get. Internet pornographers are fearless in social situations. You can't shock us. You can't elevate yourself above us if you intend to hang out with us. You're not getting free passwords. If you want porn, you've got to get content and make one of your own dirty web pages.

We want respect and we don't take crap. We know how to make money selling porn on the Internet and if you pay attention, you'll learn something.

So, yeah. We bad. We don't care about your revolutionary-idea-that-is-going-to-change-the-web-forever. We sell porn. If you've honestly come up with some breakthrough technology, we'll test it and see if it sells porn - any better or faster than the methods in place. If it does, then you might have something there. If it doesn't we will absolutely guide you to places that walk you through, step by step. If you're willing to listen, we're more than happy to give you solid, baseline advice. If you just want to pick fights or defend your artistic vision, seriously, buzz off. We sell porn and we sell it very well. Your ability to write PHP code in your sleep or your brilliance with PhotoShop mean little to us. We sell porn. We will show you how to sell porn. You go change the world on your own time. You're a stranger and we don't have to tell you anything at all. We'll tell you anyway, whether you like it or not.

Aww. Come on. We're really fun people. I'm not kidding. Adult webmasters are bright, quick and jaded. We judge you by your ability to lay off the bullshit and accept that you need schooling. Accept that your first lame question is going to get nine lame answers. Stick around for the tenth answer, or the twelfth. If you get nothing but lame answers, try another adult webmaster board. There are what? Twenty? Forty? There are adult webmaster boards where all they want to talk about is fucking football. I hate fucking football. I don't go to those boards. See how easy that is?

Open up and post. Say hello. If you're shy, post just a smiley in response when you've read a funny joke made by a board member. The first post is always the hardest. Give some semi-cogent rant (made by a webmaster who is not drunk) a hearty bravo! Your first post is probably never going to be that star-making moment for the ages. Odds are your first post will be ignored. Probably your second and third posts as well. After a point, someone will notice you and acknowledge your existence. After that, you'll get the hang of things. You'll get comfortable. So comfortable you'll undoubtedly say something boneheaded and be forced to eat your words. Then, if you don't leave in a snit, you'll locate your groove.

Join in. Nobody is going to understand you like we do. If you really want to live this lifestyle we can tell you what you need to hear. We can show you how to protect yourself and your money. We'll expose the cheaters and the liars to you. We are geeks but we're also women and men and gay and straight and some of us are transgender. I may not be a programmer but I know how to find one. I have many talented friends. If I want to get the best design, the best hosting and the best content, I know where to look and what the brand names mean. Most veteran adult webmasters already know the things you'll have to learn if you want to make it. If we don't share, we don't share. When we do share, bingo!

Whatever it is that's preventing you from posting, forget about it and post. Be a part of our community - CozyCampus.com. We don't care who you are. We just want to shoot the shit and occasionally talk shop like every other person on the planet. If you want to make money selling Internet porn, hang out with us. You'll find your niche soon enough. You might even find some friends.