I’m currently involved in a love affair with the idea of cellphone porn. Like most infatuated souls, I am blind to the flaws of my paramour. The screens are tiny, the delivery is imperfect and the demand is yet to be. None of this matters. The idea of handheld, wireless smut is enough to fan the flames of my adoration.

"Given the rapid evoution in portable communications technology, the days of cellphone porn are here and it's only going to get better."

I travel deep into the possibilities with my fantasies. I imagine world where anyone, anywhere can flip open their little cell or click on their PDA and see xxx clips or read filthy stories whenever and wherever they want.

Don’t talk to me about the limitations. I don’t want to hear. I know that if millions of geeks across this world can spend millions of dollars and hours a day playing with their GameBoys then millions more will pay receive adult content on web-enabled handhelds. Given the rapid evolution in portable communications technology, the days of cellphone porn are here and it’s only going to get better.

Last month, I discovered another reason to remain true to my obsession with cellphone smut. Nokia and Macromedia recently announced their combined efforts to license the use of Flash Animation on smartphones.

Flash. On cellphones. My favorite file format is hooking up with my favorite hardware! I love Flash. Love, love, love it!

Flash is fast. Flash is cool. Francois, c’est pa flashe non due.

Even before broadband and improved compression, I loved Flash. I spent countless hours downloading Flash animations from Icebox.com. I would wonder at the makings of Flash websites like HTLOZ.com. Today, half of the world is connected to the web by broadband. Flash animation and Flash-based websites are commonplace now. Considering I did it on a 56K-dialup connection, my affection was evident. I’ve been a Flash fan and since I got the broadband, I am a Flash fanatic.

Compared to nasty Java Applets, Flash loads clean. Unlike animated gifs or mov files, Flash doesn’t play until after it loads. Best of all, no matter how crappy your monitor resolution, Flash looks good.

This is why I’m so excited about the combination of cellphones and the Flash format. There’s not a lot on the net that’s easy to view on a web-enabled phone. Websites are designed for full-sized PCs and notebooks. Even PDA browsers with Flash capabilities were insufficient when rendering Flash animations for a cell. With Flash animation enabled for handhelds, a designer can create all sorts of and graphic applications with a minimal footprint and pixel size. Little hardcore movie clips. Little adult games. Little horny toons. Little loads of pornographic gold.

Mind you, cellphone porn isn’t going to replace web porn. The two are completely different viewing environments. Probably no human could stand to watch hours of content on one of those teeny monitors.

Nevertheless, there will be millions that won’t mind charging a couple of extra bucks to their phone bill just so they can download a few nasty cartoons to their portable. The pay-per-view option is just one of the many ways to combine cellphone porn and the Flash format.

So my love affair continues. I proceed to revel in a recent future where everyone has a web-enabled phone and Flash animation is on all of them. I envision perverts the world over paying to for mini nasty movies and filthy games. I foresee them doing so with fervor because they won’t mind a couple of extra dollars tacked on to their service charges. I dream of a time when the WAP-porn masters become as wealthy as were the adult webmasters in the days of yore. I am blanketed by the warmth of bright days to come.

I could be wrong. It will not be the first time. I still hold out hope for the return of Betamax and Amiga. Web-enabled cellphones will possibly be replaced by web-enabled holograms. Maybe someday, we will all surf the web and take phone calls without any hardware at all. But that’s another fantasy and another love affair.

Right now, I’m getting wet just thinking about Flash on my cellphone. Excuse me for a moment while I go look for my Gameboy…