"I entertained a cowboy last night," says the first.

"How did you know he was a cowboy?" asks the second.

"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together."

"Sounds like a cowboy, all right," the others say.

"I entertained a lawyer," announces the second. "I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time."

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

"I had a dirt farmer for a client," comments the third.

"How could you possibly know he was a dirt farmer?" she is asked.

"First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the fall."

(AUG.6.2008)
Women are Like Newspapers:

- Older ones are not in demand.
- They're well worth looking over.
- They have a great deal of influence.
- You can't believe everything they say.
- They always have the last word.
- You should really get your own and not go borrowing your neighbor's.

(AUG.5.2008)
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years.

The first guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?"

Second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, "I w a s a l m o s t m a r r i e d."

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, "Y e s I w e n t t o a d o c t o r a n d h e t o l d m e t h a t i f I s p e a k s l o w l y I w i l l n o t s t u t t e r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married.

"W e l l m y f i a n c e e a n d I w e r e s i t t i n g o n h e r p o r c h a n d t h e d o g w a s s c r a t c h i n g h i s b a c k a n d I t o l d h e r t h a t w h e n w e a r e m a r r i e d s h e c a n d o t h a t f o r m e a n d s h e t h r e w t h e r i n g i n m y f a c e."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend.

"W e l l, I s p e a k s o s l o w l y t h a t b y t h e t i m e s h e l o o k e d a t t h e d o g, h e w a s l i c k i n g h i s b a l l s!"

(AUG.4.2008)
A guy walks a woman to the door after their first date. He asks her if she has had a good time. She tells him yes but that to get her really horny she likes her men to be rough, tough and selfish.

The next week the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a bikers black leathers. He grabs her, throws her on the back of his newly rented Harley and away they go to the nearest bikers bar.

The whole evening is spent drinking and brawling with the bikers. When they get back to her house, he drags her up to the bedroom.

He asks her, "Well, was I rough?"

"Yes," she purrs and rubs herself suggestively.

"And was I tough?" he asks.

"Oh yes," she moans.

"Well then its time to be selfish," he says. So he whips out his penis and gives himself a handjob.

(AUG.3.2008)
Top 14 Little Fairy Tales:

14) Snow White, Seven Dwarfs and a Webcam
13) The Knave Who Choked The Warrior Coach But Is Still Getting Many Pieces Of Gold
12) How To Make $5,000 A Week In Your Spare Time
11) Rapennzoil
10) The Emperor's New Clothes from International Male
9) Booty and the Priest
8) The Supermodel and the Top 5 Contributor
7) Little Red Clitoral Hood
6) Bubba and the Slippery Zipper
5) Johnny Leatherpants and His Magic Nipple Clamps
4) Rumpledforeskin
3) The Ogres of Madison County
2) GoldieHawn and the 3 Plastic Surgeons
1) The Little Engine That Never Will (because the lazy bastard's been a disappointment to me and his mother since day one!)

(AUG.2.2008)
Good Girls v.s Bad Girls

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

(AUG.1.2008)
This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn't care.

She's busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses...the expensive ones...from her husband.

She says to the delivery guy with disgust, "Oh CRAP!"

The delivery guy says, "What's a matter lady? You don't like roses?"

She replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means?"

He says, "No, Lady, what does this mean?"

She answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air."

He replies, "Geez, Lady, don't you have a vase?"