My hairdresser is gay. I'm sure he knows much about prejudice and living under a cloud of disapproval from the majority straights. I have found him to be refreshingly honest and very comfortable with his gay-ness.
When I arrived for my appointment, he was filled with sympathy for my position. I'm thinking 'What position is that? When he answers me, my stomach flips.
It's hard to explain what went through my head when he started talking about Nightline on ABC. It was all about the anti obscenity crusade being lobbied by our dear Mr. Ashcroft.
This is not new news to me. Since I got into this business, I've been painfully aware there are people who think I'm evil. There are those who label me immoral and unconscionable. I can live with those descriptives. I know who I am and what I'm about. It's not as if I don't have a hundred discussions a month about the conditions out there, with right wing organisations wanting to crucify and Mr. Ashcroft and his minions wanting to shut us down and put adult webmasters in jail. He says he's looking for child pornographers; but, we know who he's after. Us.
What bothered me was hearing an outsider talk about my industry. When my fellow webmasters bemoan the fate of the adult industry, that's a whole different story. We are used to being shunned and cursed by those not involved. The little old lady from Nebraska wants us to go out of business. The rest of the world wants the government to make the children safe from the likes of us. When I talk to other webmasters, we whine and bitch about the world; but, it's between us. We are all in the same boat. I don't feel like the sky is falling when I'm at a conference, drinking and complaining about the tight assed and the moralistic. I'm comfortable with my people, with the discussion.
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My hairdresser is one of the veteran surfers, who loves it when I pass on tasty sites he's not visited. He may never be a member of a site because there is so much free stuff out there. The Internet is his playground. Listening to him talk about websites gives me a very unique insight into what surfers want and expect. Because he's been around for a few years, he has a grasp of how the Internet works. Because he has no children, he doesn't care what marketing tools we use to entice. After he saw Nightline, however, he expressed a keen understanding of how dangerous the environment is for me. Because he's gay, he's experienced the prejudice, the hatred, and the fear. He lives with the knowledge that he could run into someone who wants him dead. He's been beaten a few times by narrow minded individuals whose purpose in life is to rid the world of what they consider vermin. And, that's the keyword here. 'They'. 'Their perception'. The belief system held by a minority group sways a nation, a world. People are getting hurt in the name of what they think G'd wants. Religion is now encroaching on state business, where it has no business.
I digress.
Since I'm involved in this business on a daily basis, the problems we face living on the dark edge of dis-respectability are in my face all the time. When a stranger brings it to me during my 'away from porn' time, it's disturbing. I hear references to porn on mainstream television. Funny, how things are either adult or mainstream now. Comedians joke about porn sites in public. Why does it surprise me, then, to see porn discussed on national television? There are days when I think I'm living in a secret, subterranean world. I don't want the attention from the outside world. I am thinking I might be a little paranoid these days. A student from university posted on one of the boards the other day. He said he'd be a walking advertisement if any of us wanted to send a tee shirt with a pay site logo on it. I immediately contacted him and I'm going to mail him a Vengified (http://www.vengified.com/) tee shirt. He will proudly be my walking ad. What amazed me, however, was how free he sounded. He's not worried about Ashcroft or the obscenity laws or RICO or the Supreme Court. He will blithely be my billboard in a place where it's considered cool. Ironically, my hairdresser thinks I'm cool, too, for an adult webmaster. A few years ago, I told anyone and everyone what I did. I don't these days.
It's kind of sad, really. I make my living selling a feeling, a fantasy. It's just sales and marketing. The commodity is sexual satisfaction for the consumer. I see nothing wrong or morally bankrupt in what I do. Neither does my hairdresser. But, he's concerned for my well being. So am I.